View Full Version : A few good laughs to start off this weekend!

08-03-2012, 07:01 PM
A couple of friends and I like to take pokes at each other as we count down our days to retirement. So when I got this in an email yesterday I thought some of you might get a laugh or two out of it as well.

You can retire to Phoenix , Arizona where...

1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3 . You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can retire to California where...

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

You can retire to New York City where...

1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan ..
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (Ed. Note if you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can retire to Minnesota where...

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco ..
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can retire to the Deep South where...

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Ellen,
Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder."
It's important to know the difference, too.

You can retire to Colorado where...

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can retire to the Midwest where...

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

FINALLY You can retire to Florida where...

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

08-04-2012, 12:00 AM
Good post, Never Ending!

Those were funny.

Would you mind telling us your first name?

08-04-2012, 02:07 AM
If you've traveled around the US, and stayed very long in any of those or similar areas, there is so much truth to those list. I'm sure some folks over joyed with those areas might beg to differ. But I'm in agreement with them all. LOLlol!

08-04-2012, 02:36 AM
You have got to be kidding. That is awesome. We have traveled full time for 18 years, and I can say this is right on!!! Hillarious too.

08-04-2012, 04:58 AM
Funny Stuff!!, but the comments about the Deep south ain't TRUE!

08-04-2012, 03:50 PM
You are so right Matt Billy!

How long have ya'll been over yonder?

I couldn't resist Russo!

08-04-2012, 07:56 PM
Tuga, I dare you to publish the list of names you and Karen have. Legal and not.lol!

08-04-2012, 08:10 PM
Oh this is too much! I read it to the wife and when we got to California we were both laughing out loud! haha... True story.